Our Journey: When you finally get that Positive!

The first part of this is from a draft I never published. It hurt and it made me sad most of the time. And honestly, I didn’t think anyone wanted to read about the disappointment, so I saved it for myself. Now I can joyfully add to it and finally say that we are getting our second baby come Dec 2021. It was expected but so unexpected because 3 years of trying is quite a bit of time. Here are some cliff notes, I never took it to a doctor. I did at-home hormone/fertility kits for both myself and Alex. They were normal for both. And now note to self, I should have bought the digital ovulation kits where they give you a smiley when it’s GO time. It turns out, I ovulate later than normal, even with a very regular period. Or by the grace of God, it was our time. Either way, it’s FINALLY HAPPENING!!!

Draft saved May 2020

2019 Month 2, 3, & 4. + 5, 6 and 7 ( Nov, Dec, & Jan) add-on Feb. Mar. April plus another year. We started semi trying when Kingston was a little over 2. Pretty much tracking the following year and trying harder with each year.

The same as the first post: UNSUCCESSFUL and honestly, in Feb and March I sort of called it quits on "trying". Just continue to track my period and so be it. I'm still loving the workout platform I have used so I kind of switched my mindset to let's either get healthier and fit or luckily get pregnant. Either way, I will be happy. It's continuously tough when you think, this could be the month maybe. We have had more time to... ya know. Just maybe it will happen. Then you wake up and feel disappointed.

The months just keep adding up and the anticipation doesn't get easier with each cycle that decides to show up and welcome me with unwanted arms. As I said in the last blog post about our TTC journey, I'm nowhere near the struggles (at the moment) that multiple women out there go through trying to conceive on a daily basis. But it's tough on any woman wanting a baby, and it not coming as easy as they thought.

Honestly, during Month 1, which was in October, I think my body tried. At least that's what I have going through my head. I mean why else would my cycle decide to show up 4 days early, which never happens. During November, it did the same, but by December & January, it was back to normal. Planning to have another baby is such a difficult thing to plan. You never realize until you decide it's time. I wish I could look at it like we did with Kingston, but time is going by so fast and when you already have a child, intimate time is hard to come by. It was just US when trying for Kingston. Technically, a year and a half of dating probably isn't the right time to decide that we wanted a baby together, but I knew Alex was going to be the father to our future children. Also, we mutually wanted it together and it felt right. This year, I told Alex, that we would make more time for us. We still get where even when our family says, " we will watch Kingston", we catch ourselves saying no, it’s okay. I enjoy watching Kingston and Alex bond and doing all the family things together. But it's true, we need more alone time together.

Eventually, I will take it to the doctor. But have you ever met a doctor who doesn't go by the holy doctor book, because I haven’t? I don't want to walk in and ask me how long we have been trying and it has not been the amount of time they recommend. Also, I'm just not a fan of the doctor. But I'll go eventually.... And back to the fact that time is going by so fast, Kingston will be 4 this MONTH. 4!!!! I don't think I will ever get to the point where I'm ready for him to keep growing up. These days, I ache for him to his little chunky self again. I love showing him all the videos of him when he was little. Also, why am I typing this during my current cycle... I'm crying now lol WOW. I'm adding to this post two months later and I'm on my cycle again...

Moving on, we are going to continue our journey. There are a few things I'm going to try that I haven't really focused on. I gave up using the ovulation kits. One of those months, the line never even got dark to signal an LH surge. And It's just a hassle. One of these days, I hope I can post more exciting news, but for now, thank you for reading and continue to pray for us as we try everything to create and grow another human.

So, there it is. If you’re TTC, make sure to get digital. This eliminates the guessing game. It took about 3 months until we figured it out, but we got there. And if you are struggling in any kind of way, know that you're not alone.

The day we got our positive.

During this time, I’m a couple of months over a year of getting back into a healthier lifestyle, and honestly, my mindset did change when I finally decided it was time to focus on me. It helped in every aspect of my life. I think maybe I needed this me-time first in some cases.

We had made a spontaneous beach trip, like always. Our vacations are usually made when we get the chance and never planned.

I knew that I’d most likely be on my period at the beach because at this point my hopes were not high. This was month 3 of using the digital ovulation kits, so I wasn’t even thinking about it working. I was thinking more of what are we doing wrong.

We got to the beach and Monday rolls around. I’m 4 days late. Still not getting my hopes up. I was mostly annoyed. My mind is thinking it’s just my body playing tricks on me like they have before. During the times where I felt like we tried more, my period came up to 5 days early or 5 days late. I thought to myself I’ll start the moment I take a test.

I told Alex to stop at the CVS and I went in and got a test. I wanted to know if I was going to start. We got back to the hotel and I took it immediately. Still not getting my hopes up and thinking I’m going to wipe and there she’ll be. I waited to even test my pee until after this point. I wipe and nothing. I peed in a cup because I honestly didn’t want to waste another test because of the number of times that scenario has happened to me. I put the test in for a couple of seconds and set it down. It immediately moves the bar faster than I anticipated. The next thing I know, it says pregnant. I’m like what? Seriously? Finally? Not sure whether I should cry or be skeptical. Holy cow, finally!!

I literally said, “Happy early Birthday to me!” My birthday happened to be that following Monday. I went down where Kingston and Alex were playing, and I told them. I got to spend the beach trip period free, and dream about the following year where there will be two of my babies at the beach.

I'm going to be a mom of two kids! And most likely both of them in our bed. This doesn’t bother me anymore, since Kingston learned to go to sleep when we did lol. It’s weird if he’s not near us now while sleeping.

For the past 3 years, I have longed for moments I would get to enjoy with two kids. One watching Alex with two kids. I love watching him play with Kingston. Having two kids on the four-wheeler yelling Mommy and Daddy.

I know it will be tough and I will most likely become an always worried, hormonal mess again, but this time I will just remember to focus on myself. No parent is perfect, and we are all trying our best. Parenting is hard as hell, but I can’t wait to add to our family.

Kingston gets to grow up with a SIBLING, and this makes my heart so happy.

Yay to finally getting our positive!

Baby Blatt #2 due Dec. 2021!