Our Journey; BABY #2

Month One.

One word, UNSUCCESSFUL.

This technically isn't month one. We have been trying for baby #2 since Kingston turned two. We are just now in a place where this is the first month that our full focus is making it happen.

I first want to say that I know there are many women out there who have gone through or are currently going through infertility, miscarriages, IVF, and a lot of issues that result around trying to have a baby. This post isn't to say that I'm even close to knowing what those women go through, because I have not been in those situations. What I do know is that us women go through a lot of the same emotions when trying to get pregnant and I understand how hard it is. It's an emotional roller coaster because you are always wanting the tests to say positive and you start getting your hopes up just to be let down.

Excited. Anxious. Hopeful. Disappointed. Worried. These are some of the emotions that I have went through this past month and the months before hand. This month has been harder because I feel like I have been doing a lot of things (over this past year) to increase our chances. You feel like you know your own body and then your mind starts to play tricks on you. Constantly feeling like you are doing something wrong. Am I too stressed? Am I drinking too much caffeine? Do I need to lose weight and be the same weight I was before Kingston? Do I need to exercise more? Is this because I had a C section? Then I start to worry that my body can't physically carry a second baby. Why has it been so hard the second time around for me? Then you start to google. DON'T DO THIS. But this is easier said than done.

Here it is! On our life update post, I said I had something to share, but wasn't sure when I was going to share it. Well, I was hoping that it was going to be a little different of a post. I was hoping for more of an announcement, but honestly I wasn't getting my hopes up because again, we have been semi trying since Kingston turned two. And by semi, I mean we were tracking, but we weren't stressing over it happening that second. Since we have been back from Mississippi, we have decided that it's officially time to focus on trying. And I have decided I want to share our journey. Why you ask? Honestly I want to share this because after having Kingston and going through Postpartum depression and anxiety, I have learned that talking and sharing things like this is almost like therapy for me. So a lot of the times I find myself word vomiting to any human adult I come in contact with. My parents, my friends, strangers. This is my outlet, and I have decided to be open enough to share it with anyone that wants to read.

Back when Alex and I were trying to get pregnant with Kingston, we weren't really focusing on when we wanted it to actually happen. We were very go with the flow and it wasn't stressful. Well, it happened pretty quickly and in my mind, I thought the second time around would be just as easy. This past month, I was excited to tell our family that we were officially focusing on it. Since Kingston turned one, we got the question about when we would start for a second baby. Kingston needs a sibling. You need to have a little girl now. Don't wait too long, you want them close. There was also, you don't need a second baby yet. Focus on Kingston. Wait till Kingston gets older. These are all things we would constantly hear. And when you actually start to try, and nothing seems to be working, hearing those statements can be pretty hard on the women trying their hardest to conceive. I was very strict on waiting at least that maximum amount of time the doctor recommends after having a cesarean. Which was about 12-18 months from delivery. Then when Kingston turned 10 months, I realized I needed to do something about my postpartum depression. I turned to medicine which I didn't like. Used my oils, which I love. But honestly, giving myself time, grace, while accepting and communicating that what I was feeling was normal, was the only medicine I needed. After he turned a year old, we knew it still wasn't the time. As time went on, I was mentally healing from PPD, and physically healing from my surgery, and finally the time came where I felt like that we were in the right time in our life to have another baby.

(FYI TMI) --So here we are, as I say again. First month was unsuccessful. Even though I track my cycle and it is very regular, we bought an ovulation kit. I was anxious to buy these, because they are a bit intimidating. My cycle (28 days) is pretty regular so I started the kit on the 11th day, which was recommended in the instructions. We got to the day my app said I was ovulating and the kit aligned letting me know there was a LH surge. Four days before my cycle was supposed to return, I thought just maybe this could be it. My cycle has never came that early. Earliest has been maybe a day before. But I was spotting and I thought it was different. Again, my mind playing tricks on me. AND SURE ENOUGH THIS WASN'T IT. I was getting my hopes up for no reason.

We are onto Month 2. I want to ask for anyone that reads this, please pray for us. We really want this to happen and I know that you can't always plan for these types of things. I know it will happen in God's timing. Baby #2, you are wanted so bad it hurts. I'm so thankful for Kingston and I'm proud to be his Mama. Watching him grow and seeing him with his Daddy, makes me want to have more babies. No more than four, but I pray for at least two.

Motherhood is hard, but it's the best thing in the entire world.

My beautiful boy! My hope is to give you the lifelong friend you currently ask for! A sibling & forever friend.

Trip down memory lane was when I was pregnant with Kingston. Wish I would of documented so much more! My little 14 week belly (: